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Men – the cause of all evil!?
Well, that has to be the conclusion if you listen, read, view almost every conversation about domestic violence and the cause / the problem looking for a solution. Discussion about introducing young girls to the concept of the potential of men and violence. Groups committed to discussing how men act violently; groups of women who have experienced it. I have attended numerous of these groups, it seems to be all, yes all, about men and what they do. All this time and energy, all the supposedly insufficient funding of government (although substantial) to find remedies but to no avail. Certainly, little or no discussion that I have heard about women and the part they play.

It does take two to tango however you want to wash it. It does start in the early years, the family/social environment has a lot to do with it, low self-esteem has a lot to do with it and this applies to men and women. The solution then is equally about men and women – equally. Not how a woman handles the man but how the woman handles herself and the man himself. That is self-responsibility. Everyone needs to get off the politically correct eggshells and come to grips with the fact that women are a causal factor just a men are.

If there were to be a ‘chicken and egg’ discussion, it could well come down to the women.

A foundational base is about low self-esteem, poor examples to model on, low expectations of self and by others. About a need to screen out from others the fact that the individual is finding the going tough. The acceptance by society generally that it is all about negative male behaviour.

Some of the challenge is that, maybe more yesterday than today, although today more in certain ethnic groups perhaps that others but not absent from the youth of today, the potential for women to be bullied by ‘the system’ expectations – women have certain roles to play, to fulfill and that can be the start of self-depreciation, lower expectations of self and by others.

Gender pay gaps – this is impacted on by the what I have been describing here as well as by scenarios of men wanting to reman dominant (subconsciously and consciously), by poor role descriptors and just habit. If women want to lift themselves up and out of domestic violence and underpayment for similar work, it will be up to them to stop complaining and take it unto themselves to reinvent their behaviour and expectations. That will be the only way.

Hanging around complaining and blaming, finding fault has proven to be counterproductive, as would be expected, if the emotion was taken out of it. So, what is missing? Strategies to replace current conclusions and behaviours. That will be about self-esteem building that allows for the potential of change and that will be difficult because there is so much conversation instilled about men and their fault. The “Why should I change, why can’t they” argument”! will be so attractive.

We know from history that people who have come from poor behavioural circumstances very often repeat those behaviours; that if they find ways to grow, that they can be drawn back into the past environments and so a very real need is for there to be ability and capacity to be self-funded, not needing to rely on another for survival – not a partner, not the government.

There are ways forward to achieve positive results. If you are interested, make contact and we can look to how best to move forward. Do nothing then don’t expect things to get any better because they will only depreciate.

 

Rex Buckingham

LeadershipThinking.Academy

0407827173

Rex@ LeadershipThinking.Academy

#Bullying #domestic violence #change #passiveagressive #ANZ #CBA #KPMG #manna

 

 

 

 

 

 

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