Is ‘lying’ bad?
Is there a time and place?
Do we use it to settle children in uncomfortable situations?
To save ourselves and/or our self-concept when we are confronted?
Is it habitual or selective? Does a lie teach a lesson for future reference?
Do I ever lie – well, yes; I do – do you?
Maybe, lying to children was seen as more acceptable in yesteryear but today we are maybe more liable to think carefully about our choice of words and be more realistic. Maybe a lot of the time it doesn’t really matter – “yes our lovely dog has gone to dog heaven” is potentially easier on a young child than ‘the dog is dead’! When the child learns real facts, they have probably been exposed to more of life. Television addresses all these matters that are potentially seen as tricky, head-on.
Lying to our life partners is full of sticky outcomes – being found out is probably worse than the truth? The more we lie the less we trust that we can be straight forward. The more one lies the more the other is tempted to and in the end, what useful level of conversation is there?
Lying to your partner to save confrontation probably means the undesirable behaviour will continue and frustrations will increase. Passive aggression forms from this and leads to conflict and unhappiness.
Lying in business – this has been developed into a real art by many; handle a conversation that you know the receiver doesn’t want to hear truthfully and bring down a load of outcomes which are not favourable! This can fall back onto unrealistic objectives- KPI’s, lack of being upfront in the original conversation, unaligned expectations etc
Lying to self – this is probably a causal of much of the above. Reinventing unsatisfactory outcomes, pretending what isn’t, is; what is, isn’t! Inventing stories to cover underperformance. Fabricating to fit into what one expects others to be thinking.
The trouble with this, when getting away with it, is that relationships are built on falsehoods and are therefore fragile. The major trouble is that self-concept is built on lies and remedies to correct that which is seen as a desired outcome are not identified and enacted.
Is there an area in my life, of your life that needs some attention – you are bound to be lying variously, you may prefer to call it ‘white lies’ but it is still deceit!